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Week 38

The muscular Kulusevski and his 12 points take the final week honours........ while here's the latest portrait of the Norwich and Everton defences, 5 goal suckers.

Week 37

A dozen from 'Pinocchio' Barnes against dozy Watford gets his picture into the gallery........ while Seamus Coleman's latest commercial endorsement seems to be for a particularly violent laxative.

Week 36

12 points from Raheem 'Hamlet' Sterling......... while Luke Ayling's foul on Martinelli was so pathetically vicious and shabby, he should have been brought back onto the field after his red card, and then sent off again. "This way to the changing rooms, is it?"

Week 35

Son Heung Min practices his hair-ruffling for his upcoming L'Oreal ad campaign......... while Willy Boly, Romain Saiss and Rico Henry all chalk up minus 4.

Week 34

Jesus works miracles again in his 20 pointer......... while you'd forgive Watford keeper Ben Foster for looking a bit *!MANIC!* wouldn't you?

Week 33

Cristiano bags 14 and works on his "invisible ball" trick......... while Norwich's Giannoulis gets minus 3 and the look of an agonised hero from a Greek tragedy..

Week 32

Mason Mount cracks in 15 for Knowin' ZAHA! and Chelsea ......... while Southampton's defence would look sheepish if they weren't such obvious donkeys.

Week 31

Brentford's Vitaly Janelt, aka "The Hooter", bags 11......... whileEverton's Michael Keane is back again, this time for a minus 4, and looks as if he'd like to join Newcastle's defence.

Week 30

Heung Min Son nicks the Harrykane's limelight......... while this is Wolfie Jimenez, showing no sign of his recent head trauma as he collects two yellow cards and oversees the Wolves turning a 2 - 0 lead into a 3 - 2 defeat.

Week 29

Cristiano gets his mojo back with a 14 pointer for Cap'n Hindsight.......... while this is Burnley's Collins, two goals swallowed, a penalty conceded and a red card, for minus 6.

Week 28

Ivan Toney and Kevin De Bruyne show how it should be done with 13 pointers........... and although Norwich's Gibson did his best, conceding two penalties, Everton's Kean sucked down 5 goals, one of them an oggie, to bag minus 7.

Week 27

An excellent tenner from Villa's Matty Cash............ while Brentford's Josh DaSilva cops a minus 5 point red card.

Week 25

14 points and an audition for The Pirates of Penzance for Raheem Sterling............ Norwich's Hanley goes for the D'yethinkysaurus look to go with his minus 5.

Week 24

Diogo Jota enhances his claim to an attacking role at Liverpool, and goes to the top of the Hit Parade............ while Mason Holgate's oggie may be due to him sucking a Carolina Reaper flavoured gobstopper while defending.

Week 23

Thiago Silva clebrates his 9 points noisily, and Josh Sargent tries not to look like Marouane Fellaini's ginger brother............ while poor old Palace keeper Guaita is pinged for a penalty by the chronically myopic and astigmatic Kevin Friend.

Week 22

Jack Harrison of Leeds bags a hat-trick and 14 points in total against the flapping WHammers............ while minus 4 pointer Bednarek tells the Ref that he knows where he lives, and Everton's Keane threatens, rather confusingly, to shoot himself.

Week 21

Commisioner Gordon of Everton and MacAllister of Brighton each bag 11 points, playing each other............ while Arsenal's Gabriel sucks down 2 goals and a 4 point red card for minus 5, the spanner.

Week 20

McTominay is delighted, Jeff Schlupp is amazed, 9 points each causing the emotions............. while Southampton's Salisu bags a penalty concession and a red card in his minus 6

Week 19

Saka celebrates two goals and 13 points for Clownshoes............... while Norwich's Kabak sucks down 5 goals and concedes a penalty. Bit different from playing at Liverpool, innit?

Week 18

Joao Cancelo bags a dozen for the Dead Men................ while Newcastle and Leeds defenders display their diversity, if not much skill.

Week 17

Kevin De Bruyne is back and firing on all cylinders................. while a coupla Leeds defenders model next season's home and away kits..

Week 16

12 points for James Maddison, here demonstrating his feelings for the Newcastle players and crowd he's just cheated................. while Newkie defender Lascelles - aka Maddison's fall guy - clearly disagrees with the penalty decision.

Week 15

Ezri Konsa and Bernardo Silva celebrate their ten pointers with a chorus of Thunderstruck................. while Chelsea keeper Mendy seems surprised that he's been penalised for violently hacking down Hammer Bowen.  Give that man a Bafta!

Week 14

Scousers Henderson and Salah bag niners in crushing Everton................... while this is Brentford's Canos, who's just had the ball cannoned into his face by teammate Janssen, and then watched it fly into his own net. It's a shame, but you gotta larf!

Week 13

Diogo Jota celebrates a full dozen points as Liverpool reduce Southampton to ashes.................... while the Watford and Southampton defences eye each other up warily, as if each were trying to nick the others' food.

Week 12

Arfa dozen likely lads share top-doggery with 9 points (Dennis, Kante, Alex-Arnold, Rodri, Rudiger and Mings.).................... while Slabhead Maguire is not celebrating, as it may appear, he is shouting a very, very bad word.

Week 11

Joao Cancelo and Pablo Fornals celebrate their niners.................... while minus 4 pointers Allison and Bailly each claim - "It was HIS fault!"

Week 10

Reece Vileda James takes the Hero mantle from teammate Mason Mount with a 2 goal 13 pointer.................... while City's Aymeric Laporte reacts to his red card with that " You're 'avin a giraffe, entcha?" face

Week 09

18 points from Mason Mount earns him a special blessing from the Archbishop of Chelsea..................... while Norwich's Aarons celebrates wildly after hitting the net, until fellow culprit Gibson points out that it's in the wrong net.

Week 08

The exuberant mush of Scouser Firmino after his demolition of Watford.................... And the converse side of the coin, as Watford's defence gather to hear the Tinkerman's verdict.

Week 07

Phil Tompson lookylike Llorente of Leeds, and Wolfie Hwang take the plaudits for 9 points.................... While an unhappy Ward-Prowse and Matt Target each bag minus 2.

Week 06

A rare sight this season, happy ArseBoys. Smith-Rowe and Saka bag 8 apiece.................... While this is Leeds' Luis Firpo, who ended up with minus 4 following an unlucky oggie. Not the sort of thing he was used to at Barcelona, I dare say.

Week 05

Naby Keita rerpresenting all the nine pointers this week, i.e. Salah, Sarr, Cash, Rudiger, Thiago Silva and Kante................... While this is Evertons Lucas Digne, unfortunate bagger of an oggie while trying to defend his near post at a corner.

Week 04

Cristiano, or is it Niall Quinn? One of 6 top scorers this time................... While this dolorous looking lemon is Spuddy Tanganga, perpetrator of a 2-handed shove on Zaha that would have been penalised in an All Blacks match

Week 03

Ferran Torres makes a bid to fill AGuer's boots with an 11 pointer.................... While Arsenal's Xhaka, sent off for a ludicrous two-footed leap against City, doesn't look like the type to try and bust your leg, does he? What with that lovely haircut from 1958?

Week 02

Michel Antonio grabs a superb 13 against Leicester...................... WhileNorwich's Tim Krul doesn't always look this slack-jawed, just when he gets an oggie chalked up against him after his team-mate rockets the ball at him from short range.

Week 01

Bruno Fernandes puts a smile on Rich & Williams faces with his whopping 15 pointer...................... While the Leeds defence exhibits more holes than a pair of colanders