LINKS

Points
THIS WEEK'S POINTS

Tom+Simon
MEGNUTS

Elliot
NO NAME UNITED

Dave
SMOKE ME A KIPPER

Gary
GAME OF THROW-INS

Yusef
QAnon PLAGUE MONKEYS

Lewis
BICYCLE POWERED HAIRDRYER

Christy
QUARANTINI RECLUSES

Rich+Will
WUHAN BATS

Frank
BHP ACADEMICALS

Adam
CHAS & DAVINSON

Lorraine
BAT SOUP CRAZY

RichHawk
N Y COSMOPOLITANS

Mike
OFAMOF HOTSPUR

Colin
SLABHEAD'S CELLMATES

Duncan
FANDANVAROS

Pool
PLAYER POOL

Reffin
REFFIN' HELL

Heroes&Villains
HEROES+VILLAINS

Cartwright
CARTWRIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

JCCup
JOHN CHARLES CUP

Rules
GRAPHS

Rules
THE RULES

Sched
SCHEDULE

Crutchman
INJURIES + SUSPENSIONS

MEGNUTTY TIME

After last week's early signs of resurrection, Tom has gutted his squad, dumping 10 of them and buying half a dozen fresh faces.  The results were immediate.  Kai Havertz, for whom Tom forked out a staggering £83mill, came up with an arfa, Doucoure bagged 4 for Everton, and Wolfie Semedo started with a clean sheet fiver.  Some of the survivors from the Night of the Long Knives were inspired, or terrified, into upping their game, too.  Bellerin coughed up a fiver, Chilwell a superb 11, and Sergeant Wilson a full niner.  And if Tom had only given Watkins a starting berth in place of Scouser Gomez, he'd have claimed an extra 20 points and gone to the top of the table.  We have been warned.

Silver medal is shared by Adam's Chas&Davinson and Gary's Game of Throw-ins, each with 36 points.   Gary splashed out on only a couple of defenders, Coleman and the new Spud, Reguilon, having already picked up Villa's Watkins, and he returned Gary's faith by slotting a perfect hat-trick against the Scousers, left foot, right foot and header, for 14 points.  With Saint-Maximin firing in 8, a clean Bertrand and strong midifeld chip-ins from Soucek and Hudson-Odoi, the numbers soon mounted up, and the Throw-ins rise from 13th to 8th.  Adam's Chas&Davinson perform a similar leap, from 11th to 5th, on the back of the superstar Watkins, though with assistance from a McGinn niner, 7 from Ndombele and a clean Azpilicueta. 

Meanwhile, Frank's Academicals, having spent nothing at all, hang on to the top spot through the quite brilliant efforts of HarryKane and Son, 21 points between them. 

WEEK 04  REPORT

Weekly Report.doc Weekly Report.pdf

BO' SELECTA

Hoddle3  BoSelecta1
Even better than last week's five-timer, the peculiar shower of results this time has led to a mammoth flushing of points, enough to overwhelm even the finest of Joseph Bazalgette's structures.   11 points would have accrued to Yusef's Plague Monkeys had he gone for Pepe and Ndombele rather than Ceballos and Tielemans.  Christy's Quarantini - great name for a lockdown cocktail - shoulda picked Egan and Barkley instead of Alex-Arnold and Matic for an extra 14.  Chas & Davinson dropped 16 by picking Soyuncu, Taylor and Foden rather than Bellerin, Davies and Iwobi.  Better again are No Name Utd, Elliot picking Bailly, Schmeichel and Castagne instead of Bowen, Martinez and Rice, for an 18 point loss.  And the two big ones - Tom's Megnuts, despite clocking a whopping 38, should also have picked Watkins and Meslier instead of Gomez and Martinez for an extra 23 - would have taken them to number 1 - and Rich Hawk's Cosmos needed Robertson, Lamptey, Castagne and Richarlison replaced by Mina, Walker-Peters, Hjobjerg and Redmond, for a massive 27 point gain.  Of course anyone selecting a Mank or Liverpool defender was in serious trouble without any other problems, and I don't suppose we can count on that level of generosity every week.  Plus - Yusef was unlucky to see all five of his Arsenal selections take the field, meaning the last named one was discounted - which happened to be goalscorer Pepe le Pew.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

This is the weirdly socked and strangely coiffed Grealyboy, doing his impression of Robbie Williams after his 17th coffee of the morning.  I'm not complaining, mind, he plays for me and he's just bagged 15 points. 

REFFIN' HELL

 Collina
Some signs of Ref stress becoming evident this week.  With the "interpretation" of the handball law changing every few days, it has become almost impossible for the officials to keep up with the actual rules.  Manky Shaw was penalised by Anthony Taylor - free kick only - for a 'handball'  that hit his arm right in front of his stomach.  And why the law needs interpreting is an interesting question in the first place.  It's written in English so should be clear.  What the Powers that be mean when they say the interpretation has changed, is that even though the law may say something in plain English, applying it consistently and accurately is completely beyond us, so we insert an 'interpretation' to give ourselves some wriggle room.   

Other than that, no result changers were obvious.  Tammy Abraham dived for Chelsea's first penalty, Michael Oliver;  Luke Shaw's tackle on Lucas Moura should have been a red card, Anthony Taylor again; and McGinn's tackle on Salah should have been a penalty, Son of Ron.  None of them enough to change the result, but all of them should have been caught by VAR, which was apparently having a series of naps.

The shortarse Connolly, Brighton, was at it again, diving like he was searching for pearls.  And Bogbrush Sterling threw his arms wide, appealed for a penalty, THEN fell to the ground.  I wonder if he really does put his trousers on one leg at a time.

SECRET SQUIRREL'S DIARY

squirrel
Sky's commentator at the Man U v Spurs game was ruminating with his pundit, Gary Neville, during the early stages of their Spuds clash.  He observed that it was umpteen years since MU had conceded multiple goals in each of their first three fixtures in a season, and that they'd sucked down three against Palace and two more against Brighton.  Neville opened his private channel to Doris Stokes and intoned in a doom-laden chunter - "They could have conceded SIX at Brighton."

 TRANSFERS

Here's what happened with the Premium NewBlokes last week.  An insane amount of money was splurged out, but the signs so far are that the players could be quite tasty.  James Rodrigues was impressive and Kai Havertz quite shiny. 



This week we have a bunch of deadline day Blokes, as follows.

Premium Players:-

Thomas Partey, defender, Arsenal, £8mill: Ruben Dias, defender, Man City, £8mill:  Edinson Cavani, striker, Man Utd, £8mill: 

Regular Blokes:-

Alex Telles, defender, Man Utd, class 2; £6mill:  Ben Godfrey, defender, Everton, class 2; £6mill:  Raphinha, midfield, Leeds, class 3; £5mill:  Olsen, goalkeeper, Everton, class 2; £6mill:  Rhian Brewster, striker, Sheff Utd, class 2, £5mill:  Coufal, defender, West Ham, class 3; £5.2mill:  Fofana, defender, Leicester, class 3; £5mill:  Zeqiri, striker, Brighton, class 3; £5mill:  Vinicius, striker, Spurs, class 2; £6mill:

In you're interested in any of the Premium Blokes, register that interest with me by 16:00 on Friday 9th October, and I'll invite you to make a bid.

The Regular Blokes have been dropped into the Pool, and will be available from midday on Wednesday 7th Oct.

 CARTWRIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP




Quick reminder that Home teams get a 3 point bonus in these matches, and I'm liking the look of this already.  My Kippers kicked off with a 33 - -3 over the Slabheads, my brother being extraordinarily decent and picking a bunch of donkeys.  Game of Throw-ins slide into 2nd with a 39 - 17 over OFAMOF, just in front of Chas&Davinson who take out Quarantini 16 - 36 despite being 'Away'.  The Academicals of our eponymous benefactor also start with an away win, 8 - 22 over his son & grandson's Bats, the heartless bastard, and the Plague Monkeys had a nine point win over the selectorally challenged Cosmos.  The Hairdryers got a 23 - 14 over the other Cartwright based team, Bat Soup Crazy, and No Name Utd completes the list of winners with a 4 points victory over Fandanvaros.  Megnuts had the week off.

RANT

Something making your blood boil? Some inexcusable piece of incompetence deprived you of your rightful benefits? Some po faced manager trotting out yet another litany of spadulous and intuberatious excuses and justifications?

Have your say here. Rant away and send it to me, and as long as it's not libellous I'll put it up here for everyone to share. You'd be doing the world a favour.

PREDICT A £MILLION


Gary follows Yusef's lead and clocks up three spot-on predictions for 15 points.  This may be due to an encyclopaedic knowledge of the 'lower' leagues, or it could be that he has spotted that if you put down enough 2-1s, 1-2s, and 1-1s, you are bound to come up with a few correct sooner or later.  I shall continue to believe it's the former, so well done Gary, enjoy the £2mill.  Lewis, who actually supports a 'lower' league team, gets the runner up £1mill, 1 point back.

HIT PARADE & SKILLMEISTER

Hits Skills