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Week 08

hero1hero1                                    villain1villain1

Villa's Hourihane and Wolfie Traore each bagged a dozen...............................while the Canaries' Aarons and Lewis have each shipped 5 goals, and are feeling a bit inadequate

Week 07

hero1                                            villain1

Ricardo Pereira's tenner is good enough for Top Dog Bone................................while the Toon's Isaac Hayden can't believe the red card the ref is waving is for him.

Week 06

hero1                                            villain1

Bernardo Silva is mighty pleased with his 16 pointer................................according to Troy Deeney, Foster "eats shit, trains twice a week and plays like a f'kin genius." Let in 8 though, didn't he?

Week 05

hero1                                            villain1

Tammy Abraham celebrates a classy hat-trick, despite resembling an Air Dancer................................while Palace's Oggie bagger Van Aanholt is still looking for the seagull that shat on his head.

Week 04

hero1hero1                                            villain1villain1

 

Sergio and Jamie each bag a dozen, and celebrate accordingly, .................................while Villa's Trezeguet (not that one) and Zouma end with minus 4 apiece, and look suitably irritated.

Week 03

hero1hero1                                            villain1

Mo Salah has just realised why Van Dijk is nicknamed 'Dick and Tammy (Kevin) Abraham gazes pensively into a £multi-million future,...............   while Brighton's Andone is apprehended for his heinous foul on Yan Valery.  "It's a fair cop", quoth he.

Week 02

hero1                                            villain1

Teemu Pukki celebrates a hat-trick, and access to Delia's latest pies................   while Villa's Heaton describes the rat he saw that distracted him into kicking over Sergeant Wilson.  "It was that long - THAT, with the tail! "  

Week 01

hero1                                            villain1

16 point Sterling celebrates with a quick burst of YMCA...............   While Hammer Issa Diop concedes a penalty and sucks down 5 goals. Leaves a taste, dunnit?